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Where I’ve been…

April 21, 2010

I know. It’s been a while. Maybe you thought I had fallen off the face of the Earth?

No, but sometimes it feels like I have. You see, there’s a reason for my lack of creativity, my lack of communication, my general lack of…. Me. You see, I’m tired.

Yes. You heard me correctly. I’m tired.

In a nutshell, I am

fatigued; weary; drowsy; drooping; haggard; toilworn, wayworn, weatherbeaten; faint; done up, used up; bushed [U.S.]; exhausted, prostrate, spent; overtired, overspent, overfatigued; unrefreshed, unrestored., worn, worn out; battered, shattered, pulled down, altered., breathless, windless; short of breath, out of breath, short of wind; blown, puffing and blowing; short-breathed; anhelose; broken winded, short- winded; ready to drop, all in, more dead than alive, dog-weary, walked off one’s legs, tired to death, on one’s last legs, played out, hors de combat., fatiguing; tiresome, irksome, wearisome; weary, trying.

You get the picture.

It seems like everything is suffering. My housekeeping, my art, my writing, my social activities, my running (oh especially my running!) —But perhaps not my job. What little energy I have left over I put into work. After all… that’s what brings food to the table, right?

I’ve already been through thyroid hell, so I figured it couldn’t be that again. After all, I am on a ridiculously high dosage of synthetic thyroid hormone. I have received tons of advice and suggestions from family and friends (thank you!) about how to combat this problem. Diet, exercise, mindset, yoga, meditation, deep breathing, herbal remedies, sleeping pills. You name it, I’ve been trying it. Quite frankly, although my sleeping patterns are dubious, I can’t blame the exhaustion totally on lack of sleep. I got an awful lot of sleep last weekend…a great deal more than usual, in fact. I’m still exhausted. I am actually wondering if I’m going to move from this chair this evening. If Princess and Oliver had opposable thumbs, I probably wouldn’t! (I’m getting thirsty, I doubt they can carry some water to me!)

So, here I sit, my head heavy, my limbs unmoving, much as I have been for a couple of weeks now. I’m very dismayed by how I feel. If it was simply mental or emotional exhaustion, I could come up with select list of possible reasons for it. However, the fatigue includes physical exhaustion. For those of you doubters, please know that I have been keeping track of my mileage and pace for quite a while, and though I’ve tried to increase mileage each week, I haven’t been very successful. I cannot blame my running.

So here’s the deal. I finally gave in and called my doctor’s office. I queried if the doctor had ever written down a date for another follow-up to my thyroid issue. The nurse’s response was a resounding yes, and that I was due for a follow-up NOW. I told her what was happening, and so I am scheduled for another blood test, with a visit to the doctor a few days after that.

So. The poetry and art that has been covered with weariness inside my head may yet have a chance to come to the surface, depending on whether my doctor can help me. Meanwhile, I’m just going to shut my eyes a little and let my mind wander. Maybe I’ll come across a few poems that have been hiding in me since the middle of February.

I’m hopeful.

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3 comments

  1. Goodness…no fun at all. I hope you get some answers soon.


  2. Wow, I feel for you sounds like you have a lot going on. I go to a spa every couple of months, not a nail/hair spa. A holistic healing/spiritual spa. It is amazing you spend the whole day doing different positive things. Usually with a group of people. I go alone because that is what I prefer, but you see many couples and friends. Glad you are getting your thyroid checked, medically that is one of the few things I know very little about. I am not the most consistent twitter person, so if you need to hit me up on yahoo messanger Gavsmom2003 Much Love – Rachel


  3. I’m glad you’re getting yourself checked out, Torie. I know you’ve mentioned being fatigued and even falling on occasion. I hope that there is a reasonable explanation and that all will be taken care of soon. Sending you my best thoughts and energy.



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